03-05-2010, 04:46 PM
Billy covered most, I just have a few more things to say...
These thoughts
attack my mind
causing destruction
sending "mixed feeling"-Mixed feelings? Try using another word, sounds bumpy
through my veins
chills sliding between my bones
full figure smile across my face
the hair in the back of my neck rising- Try to use similes or express yourself a bit more creatively in this part. I know you can do it!
Also, beware the grammatical errors!
These thoughts
attack my mind
causing destruction
sending "mixed feeling"-Mixed feelings? Try using another word, sounds bumpy
through my veins
chills sliding between my bones
full figure smile across my face
the hair in the back of my neck rising- Try to use similes or express yourself a bit more creatively in this part. I know you can do it!
Also, beware the grammatical errors!
"To risk is to lose your footing. To avoid risk is to lose yourself"
-Soren Kierkegaard
-Soren Kierkegaard