Pending Judgment

[tectak]

1st Edit:
Pending Judgment
It’s suffocating.Now that you have done this edit I can say that I am surprised you left this opener in. It was over-angst ridden in the original version but I was kindly disposed to it.......and "it" is the problem. You would better say " I am suffocating; not literally, but still I gasp for air that I don't need". Which then begs the question...why? You are not literally suffocating and you are not suffocating in reality. Most odd.
Not literally, but still
I gasp for air I don’t need.

Feels like my soul,
if it even exists,
is wringed dry like wet towels.A pretty horrible line. Apart from the use of "wringed" instead of "wrung" I cannot see how a dry towel is like a wet one. Needs a good looking at. There is another "it" sneaking in. Get rid of "it".
Fear, it must be.
What else can it be?Bugger me, there's another! I think that this may be one of the rare occasions when I would use brackets.
Fear (it must be;
what else can it be?)
of the unknown,
superficially.
Evidence of failure.

This "inner conversation" stuff is very difficult to pull off. E.A. Poe had trouble with it and he had the advantage if being nuts. You suffer from normality but you just don't know it

Of the unknown,
superficially.
Of evidence of failure,
actually.

The papers used to be mine to own,
with mastery level consisting straight As.
Now I’m the slave, future uncertain,
in the papers’ hands.I would omit this whole stanza as being to angst-specific. Who cares about your bloody grades. Talk the bigger picture. This is dangerously close to "my goldfish died and how I cried" when you were really talking about armaggedon.

Time in limelight yesterday’s news, Comma after limelight, otherwise you link limelight to yesterday in an adjectivally incompetant way.
my shine no longer strong or powerful.
It’s a tiny candle flicker,It it it it.
weak and a sign of incompetence.

If this is being normal,
then I’d rather stay the weirdoSlang. Not worthy.
who at least has enigmatic depthYou are about to make me roar with laughter as you demonstrate your self-assumed "enigmatic depth". That last line is a killer......sorry. Sorry.....but you did ask. It's the way you tell'em
to his stoicism,
and tells himself that
‘At least a candle is romantic as heck.’Where's the candle, asked the nun. Yes, doesn't it, said the Mother Superior......and they say romance is deadm

Hi brand,
You were very brave to try this. Conceptually, it only works on one level. Trying to dramatise a personally dramatic event means that you have to write commitment verse. You must make the reader "feel" like you do. Continually letting your demons out forces you in to self analysis...and if you don't know how you feel from one line to the next, what chance the reader? I say again, a brave effort but it is not there yet. I would stick this in serious because you need better men than me to hammer it in to shape. This is the best I can do.
Best,
tectak
Original:
Pending Judgment
It’s suffocating.
Not literally, but still
I gasp for air I don’t need.

Feels like my soul is twisted
into a knot.
If it even exists.

No, I don’t want to know.
The only way out
is to know, but1v
I don’t want to know.

Fear, it must be.
What else can it be?
Of the unknown,
superficially.
Of failure,
of hard evidence
of incompetence,
actually.

So, this is being normal.
Then I’d rather stay the weirdo
who at least have enigmatic depth
to his stoicism.
--------------------------------------
As usual, all feedback is greatly appreciated and thanks for reading my poem! =)


'A' Level results will be released in a couple weeks' time. I retook it this year as a private candidate. In my whole exam filled life, this is the first time I actually feel this frustration of waiting for the results to be released. The first time I took the exams, I expected to outright flunk. Things happened, I had an emotional breakdown, so I knew I was going to do badly. Before that, I've always been a high-flyer who can just breeze through exams like they're nothing. 2 years without a schooling environment and basically a full-time job made me realise how difficult it is to actually study with all the extra responsibilities in life. Without mentors to guide me along and without classmates to compare progress with, I'm really, really scared. I don't want to disappoint my family, my old teachers, and most importantly, myself. Yes, it's a rant. A rather incoherent and long one. Sorry if I wasted your time. =/ This poem is written to get rid of this annoying feeling. It works, but doesn't really completely remove this feeling.