02-24-2013, 10:31 PM
hmmm Todd.
Obviously I lke this, it is very good.
it is about fate I think. As such the stanza that is attracting comments is rather pivotal.
It is always the unseen
clacking ball, the imperceptible
connections,
of butterflies wings and tornadoes
when I first read this it was imperceptible that I felt was out of place, now I am used to that. About Connections? well, IMHO it does just what you want as you said a sandwich, it goes with imperceptible and also serves to connect the wings to the winds.
but is it connections we speak about? Cidermaid speaks about energy transference - yeah I guess that is the thing about the cradle - but in the context of terror I can hear it all through the poem - marking time. And the time is slowing down, we need another impetus or the inevitable entropy (is that right?) / dissipation(?) will take over and that cause has fulfilled it's total effect. The bell tolls...
What you are saying, I think, is that we are frightened of the wrong things and that the laws that govern us, and our fate, are more subtle, less theatrical.
my least favorite part is the things we distract ourselves with. Too many words for my taste.
this may spawn poetry from me. Cos you know that last line is very powerful, death is inevitable, do we concentrate on how to live or how to die?
I have been asking myself the question lately,
do I focus on what I see or see what I focus on?
not very helpful perhaps in terms of developing your poem - but reading this brought one or two things into sharp relief.
StalKeR
Obviously I lke this, it is very good.
it is about fate I think. As such the stanza that is attracting comments is rather pivotal.
It is always the unseen
clacking ball, the imperceptible
connections,
of butterflies wings and tornadoes
when I first read this it was imperceptible that I felt was out of place, now I am used to that. About Connections? well, IMHO it does just what you want as you said a sandwich, it goes with imperceptible and also serves to connect the wings to the winds.
but is it connections we speak about? Cidermaid speaks about energy transference - yeah I guess that is the thing about the cradle - but in the context of terror I can hear it all through the poem - marking time. And the time is slowing down, we need another impetus or the inevitable entropy (is that right?) / dissipation(?) will take over and that cause has fulfilled it's total effect. The bell tolls...
What you are saying, I think, is that we are frightened of the wrong things and that the laws that govern us, and our fate, are more subtle, less theatrical.
my least favorite part is the things we distract ourselves with. Too many words for my taste.
this may spawn poetry from me. Cos you know that last line is very powerful, death is inevitable, do we concentrate on how to live or how to die?
I have been asking myself the question lately,
do I focus on what I see or see what I focus on?
not very helpful perhaps in terms of developing your poem - but reading this brought one or two things into sharp relief.
StalKeR