Through the eyes of a Fox

[billy]

I'll probably be banned or whatever it is happens on here but how refreshing to read this reply, I was beginning to think honesty had flown out of the window with common sense, I'm all for care in the community but there is a limit

hi sniffy hehe smiffy

no one gets banned for being honest as long as it's about the poetry.
i've read this one a few times and never replies after seeing the response to the feedback.

but i will reply now.

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the english profs you showed it too, did they tell you to sort out the punctuation? it doesn't look that way. it does need fixing.
you don't need to tell the reader that the beats is a man. it's an old similie that's overly used. after reading it a few times it still feels very weak and disjointed. it feels as though there's no rhyme or reason for a lot of the lines, because of poor continuity. ideas and articles just appear. my suggestion is to write it so it works. connect the lines so that they work with and for each other.

as for the proffessors who've said they understood it, maybe they did, that doesn't mean it's a great poem or even a poem at all. i understood my kids when they were just babies, they spoke gibberish but i knew what they meant, as they got older they learned about language and no longer soke gibber, this poem need language.

Through the eyes of a Fox

I once met a two legged beast
The only way to learn what does this have to do with the above line.
was through a monstrous feast
Whilst I hid behind the fern
and watched It yearn
They said it was the Man

I sought It,
I explored that Great King of the Pith
And watched It spit,
upon everything that God blessed It with

I watched It grow
immune in all beauty
unchangeable through the flow
feared from the gale
which never stops to blow

The bewildered Man once met
with a trace of sharpness in Its eye cracks
looked at me smiled with rerget
I smiled back and thought; They're saved