02-21-2013, 05:10 PM
(02-21-2013, 02:32 PM)ellz483 Wrote: Every word seemed so wonderfully calculated. And, most importantly to me, you did not have repetitions of any words. The way you described the women, the one who put her clothes back on and the one whose name you never knew, they seemed so real. You have me just enough information about each of them that I was able to fill in the rest of their stories. I loved the way you ended this; the question of whether or not you or your partner was dreaming twisted the whole poem and was powerful. Thought provoking and very beautiful. I like the revisions you made- the edited version seems damn near perfect to me!Thanks ellz,
I put more work into this than I often do The crits on this site are astute and perceptive so become "involved" in the evolution of the thing and I am grateful for that. Oddly, you might think, your comments spurred me to add the word "discrete" to describe the bed. A place of undivulged, hidden dreams. Thanks.
Best,
tectak