02-21-2013, 11:34 AM
I don't think this belongs in serious critique. It is empty of meaning and content. It is a crossword puzzle at best. and of course there is a baby connotation, 'cradled in her arms...' to miss the obvious for the obscure is just as slack as missing the cliche for the original; if you didn't expect that then maybe it is not the fault of the reader's insight. what I mean is, i am surprised by your surprise at someone thinking there was a baby involved, when it seems the obvious conclusion... one surly should think on more levels than 2 or 3 or even 4 or 5...
further, as a poem of obscurity, it needs more 'concept'; if you are trying to play with concepts then i could write them on the back of a postage stamp.
however, there are some ideas that penetrate, such as 'it was only a mirror of her wants' and 'pulsed with real, red blood' that are very inspiring.
also, this poem has made me think more than i care to, a bit like Russel in front of a paradox. I am fascinated but irritated in equal measure
further, as a poem of obscurity, it needs more 'concept'; if you are trying to play with concepts then i could write them on the back of a postage stamp.
however, there are some ideas that penetrate, such as 'it was only a mirror of her wants' and 'pulsed with real, red blood' that are very inspiring.
also, this poem has made me think more than i care to, a bit like Russel in front of a paradox. I am fascinated but irritated in equal measure