Where I Lay my Head ( Early Valentine Card)

[tectak]

In this room, I lay with loves I met.
I filed away the images I knew
would rise again, like wraiths of raw regret;
and that one day I’d say goodbye to you. -- mer. cliche line, but the thought is valid.
You lie beside me as the light disclaims -- I guess this is a cool word but my frilly little mind doesn't like it so much.
the greyed out phantoms, fantasies still clear.
I see her move across my recalled frames
and taste once more the sweetness of her tears. -- meh.
Then there was the long and snow-deep night;
another sat upon this bed and cried.3
I watched her rise, naked in the light,
dress slowly, leaving with her pride.

I look to where a silhouette still lies;
her name was kept, she never made it known.
We thrashed and threw our passion to dark skies
but when I woke and called her…she was gone.

I damn you for your bodies, ageless, pure!
Why do the recollections stay so new?
How could I love so long, yet be unsure?
Goodbye past loves, another day with you. -- silly ending, you can do better than this. the subject of your poem is stronger than your ending, and this here leaves me disappointed.
Tectak
Jan 2013

While I like this very much the bold lines didn't sit with me very well.

Hi heart,
thanks for the serious dissection. I confess that I circumcised the thing in the last verse....,purely for hygenic reasons. It was just getting too sticky. The idea was one love left him, one love he left, one love he never had and one, (would it last?) he was with....so love the one you're with. I guess I cocked up. If it made you uncomfortable, though, you must be a woman....so result, I guess , clutching at straw!
Best,
tectak (must try harder)