Through the eyes of a Fox

[brandontoh]

Hah, ty for your post. Fun thing is, you completely misunderstood this poem - it seems like you are use to hear GOOD things and then you think of good when you start reading but this is actually a critique, a cry for help and a hope in at least a small bit of good within people. Don't tell me that I didn't write it the way that people can understand it, I think I've shown this to every single english professor I know, and I know many and they did actually understand it.
Now, ofcourse I will explain it to you, because I have no idea if you read this the right way, or just watched for a second and just figured, okay he is a fox, he is a god, he is a fox, who is he? And you obviously have no idea what a metaphore is. Sorry, but this is true, I'm not trying to offend you. And dear god I have no idea have you read the title at all, this is something that the fox had seen, every I in this poem is that fox, and It represents a Man/men I didn't use him/them because I was talking about a creature, a creature who rises in the first stanza, a small fox watches it as its God tho she is confused by it, because that Man who is suppose to be its God is actually a beast, a feast represents people's urge to take, rage, envy, kill... And yearn was used in a negative form. The fox is watching through the fern (watching men growe) I have no idea how you managed to misunderstand that but okay.
Second and third stanza talk about people growing, but not growing better, growing same - remaining savage beasts. "Great King of the Pith" was used as I talked before for you to see that fox's God is actually that Man, that beast. I used Pith instead of "the world" because I wanted to say that that Man is a God too all, it's a quintessence. Whole third stanza is in a negative form.
And finally in fourth stanza hopes grow when a man - the beast smiles - a trace of humanity in his long lost eyes (eye cracks) and the fox realizes that maybe we will be saved.

I think you're missing the main point of tectak's critique here. :/ Of course, it's easy to see how you may be getting the wrong idea. He has this rather brash style that doesn't sit well with some. It's not about the message you're trying to get across. That is important and readers must be able to get it from the written words, which I agree you did. It's quite plain to see. However, tectak's point is that the lines and word choices can be tightened and that'll serve to strengthen the image of the poem.

I've read it through, and I must say that it's a good effort. The way you made the fox more humane than the human feels intentional, but at the same time not. Some rhymes feel forced, so there's that. My main gripe with it is that the way you penned down the fox's thoughts is too human. At no point in your poems I I believe that the thoughts are from a fox, even though you made it so obvious.
Hope this helps.