I'm a complete beginner! This is my first ever poem!

[Smiffy]

Not wishing to be unkind and as a relative newcomer to the site myself this did nothing at all for me. It neither moved nor amused me and came across to me as being written to impress. Personally I don't think it is a good idea when starting to write to try and write in the style of anyone else, better to write from your gut and heart.
Look forward to reading more as you progress, you seem to know the words but it takes a bit more I feel
regards Smiffy