02-16-2013, 11:00 AM
Welcome schmitler
I have to say, the imagery is good, but one of the first things that I "learned" about poetry is trying to stay away from sounding as elegant as possible. Of course, every writer has his or her own style, but there was a time for "poetic" sounding writing. Of course, that isn't to say that you shouldn't use words that are necessary for conveying your meaning, but the poem to me reads more as if someone just went through the thesaurus. Nevertheless, this is wonderful for a first attempt. I'm always of the opinion that less is more; don't use words if they aren't necessary to convey what you want to say.
I have to say, the imagery is good, but one of the first things that I "learned" about poetry is trying to stay away from sounding as elegant as possible. Of course, every writer has his or her own style, but there was a time for "poetic" sounding writing. Of course, that isn't to say that you shouldn't use words that are necessary for conveying your meaning, but the poem to me reads more as if someone just went through the thesaurus. Nevertheless, this is wonderful for a first attempt. I'm always of the opinion that less is more; don't use words if they aren't necessary to convey what you want to say.