02-16-2013, 04:38 AM
The third stanza's my favourite. The nod to Schrödinger's cat is very clever without being pretentious or esoteric. It's a strangely melancholy and surreal stanza, like a passage from a Philip K. Dick novel (or maybe I've just been dazzled by "quantum", rube that I am
) Some of the stuff in the surrounding stanzas is a bit too vague and thin, like "heat death", which felt inanely contrived (also, could "silk" be moved up a line, going on the principle that each line is a separate sentence clause?) Otherwise, it's an oddly powerful poem. Critique is JMHO; thanks for the read
) Some of the stuff in the surrounding stanzas is a bit too vague and thin, like "heat death", which felt inanely contrived (also, could "silk" be moved up a line, going on the principle that each line is a separate sentence clause?) Otherwise, it's an oddly powerful poem. Critique is JMHO; thanks for the read
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe