02-16-2013, 02:43 AM
Scattered graveyard of clothes surround your room like
a whirlwind of bad decisions from the night before.
The haunting reminder of the pain you endlessly cause yourself.
Your room feels as messy as your mind.
You vaguely remember tugging at your hair and your body, feeling unimpressed.
Tearing off each others clothes is a much less intricate process.
Your body yearns for more, his body aches for your feel.
Your body desires to feel light and free, but is trapped
by the insecurities, you've caged yourself in.
Your heart anxious for the touch of his palm on your back,
patiently awaiting words of affection to pour from his mouth.
Vacancy is all you hear.
Someone who values your body over your mind, while you admire him wholly.
Every glance,
every move,
every breath you are present and he stares at you with emptiness.
Devoid of love for you, he is absent, thoughts elsewhere
beyond the four corners of linen you lay upon.
An empty heart beating frivolously next to yours.
You feel jealous for the ease at which he can exist in this bed,
while you painfully aim for perfection.
Your heart bounding and leaping and theirs pulsing regularly.
You feel the longing, aching touch after touch for what feels
like minutes but has been hours.
Your body learning, learning how to move, learning how to feel.
Learning how to forget.
Forget the pain, forget the anguish.
Impulses, rushing through your body heating up only in the delicate
intricacies of crevices where he touches you.
A beautiful rise of exhaustion consumes you both, you fall asleep intertwined.
Closely indulging in the rise and fall of his chest.
At dawn the cool rush of wind on your face awakens your mind and reminds
you of the pain your tired, weak heart and body feel.
Vitality is drained from you, eyes black from smeared makeup, cheeks flushed,
body drained of sweat and tears.
Wash your face, wash your body, wash your mind from the pain and the hurt.
Wash your memory from my mind.
If only it were so easy.
After you are clean, you still feel empty, clean but empty.
You feel unwanted and unloved.
You feel like he grabbed a piece of your heart and kept it in his cold, hard bed.
A place that was once warm where you laid the night before,
two bodies intertwined.
The feeling is so painful you can hardly bear it.
You put on warm clothes and remind yourself
again and again to not go back.
But you feel weak.
The weakness consumes your entire body.
It grows inside you at night, and consumes your thoughts.
You can’t ignore it, in the end the weakness encompasses your whole body.
There you are again in a warm bed with a cold heart.
Lying next to a lifeless love, while your pulse is
beating in tune with the music his eyes remind you of.
His cold stare reminds you of being used.
Soft, delicate caresses over your aching heart will never
heal the deep pain that lies inches beneath his touch.