02-15-2013, 09:09 PM
Hi Hobbit,
While you've pointed out one of your meter issues there are a few others that you can catch by reading out loud. The thing you might also want to think about is your using a mixed metaphor by throwing in God sorting files at the end as if he's in an office. You probably want to stay with more of a gardener image. This has nice potential though and you could develop it fairly quickly.
Best,
Todd
While you've pointed out one of your meter issues there are a few others that you can catch by reading out loud. The thing you might also want to think about is your using a mixed metaphor by throwing in God sorting files at the end as if he's in an office. You probably want to stay with more of a gardener image. This has nice potential though and you could develop it fairly quickly.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson