Heat Stroke

[Todd]

This is a really beautiful. I'm starting to appreciate the level of mood you bring to your work:

The shadow’s message is night;--love this opening line. Beautifully phrased and evocative
you are the sundial it follows all day,
measuring the searing earth silently, tick-tocks,--maybe in silent instead of "silently,"
that echo in a fevered mind.

Heat hammers down nails
in sync with a faint heartbeat--like this sequence
through swathes of turbans,
with malaise eyes watch a papaya orange sun
slice itself every stroke of the hour--these two lines are my favorite papaya orange sun slice itself... is so visual. Just a great image
to reveal beads of black seeds.--again this extension of the image works really well

The lengthening dark strip taunts,
moving in widening circles, waiting
until it’s twelve, when it condenses
into tiny black drops eddying--is the repetition of black valuable? Would dark be a better substitute. Not sure. I don't really mind the echo of it just wasn't sure it added anything.
under camel leather slippers, to disappear
past thin soles in a toe-ring’s tinkle.--love the specific detail and the further use of sound (tick tock above and now here) to engage more of the senses

Children of the sun, reeling
under an almost-year-long-summer,
their feet pregnant with dark dreams--gorgeous phrasing
to lend to monsoon clouds.

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I made more comments than I normally would want to make on a poem in Mild. It was mostly for appreciate though. I didn't see a lot here that I didn't like.

Thanks,

Todd