02-14-2013, 06:24 AM
Thank you so much for the feedback, I appreciate it. I too am not a big fan of romantic poetry but hey, Valentines day fast approaches.
My wife is an accountant and financial analyst so the fourth stanza is a nod to her way of thinking which goes something like this; ME; "Hey Kalil Gibran says that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream." HER; "Well that's kind of a circular argument."
Yeah, it certainly brings you back to earth. We had that exact conversation before I added stanza #4. I used "Her audit, though delay'd, answer'd must be / And her quietus is to render thee." as inspiration. Should have known better. Shakespeare will screw a guy up.
Thinking of changing "Our separate lives were put away" to "Our separate lives we put away" I don't know.....
OK so I felt maybe it was "analyze" that seemed like the most distasteful word in there. So Analyze took me to Take Apart, which took me to Disassemble, which took me to Dissect (NO!), which took me to Study, which took me to Contemplate. Better, I think, but not completely there.
I constructed this stanza using a list of accounting terms so maybe there's just no hope for it. I still want to give it the flavor of an audit of our lives together, I guess I just need to figure out how to be more oblique. Thanks!
My wife is an accountant and financial analyst so the fourth stanza is a nod to her way of thinking which goes something like this; ME; "Hey Kalil Gibran says that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream." HER; "Well that's kind of a circular argument."
Yeah, it certainly brings you back to earth. We had that exact conversation before I added stanza #4. I used "Her audit, though delay'd, answer'd must be / And her quietus is to render thee." as inspiration. Should have known better. Shakespeare will screw a guy up.
Thinking of changing "Our separate lives were put away" to "Our separate lives we put away" I don't know.....
OK so I felt maybe it was "analyze" that seemed like the most distasteful word in there. So Analyze took me to Take Apart, which took me to Disassemble, which took me to Dissect (NO!), which took me to Study, which took me to Contemplate. Better, I think, but not completely there.
I constructed this stanza using a list of accounting terms so maybe there's just no hope for it. I still want to give it the flavor of an audit of our lives together, I guess I just need to figure out how to be more oblique. Thanks!