12 - 4am

[Todd]

Hi Brandon, Nice edit. I think you could even pare further. Comments below:

1st Edit:
12am-4am
It's the last train.--Could you move empty up after last and kill the next line. It depends how important the vessel thing is to you.
Empty vessel
Steaming through
The frozen world.

Can't move.
Icy breath --
I’m still alive.--frozen carries with it the idea of being still. Why not use this more. Maybe cut I'm

There it goes;
The last bustle.
The final sound
Still echoes.--This is a great line, and emphasizes still again subtlety

Apathetic,
Or a little
Depressed.--I would put the lone word still under depressed. Just a thought

Reality
An impasse.
To move on,
I'll let the moon
Swallow me.--two options to think about: maybe cut Reality an impasse to move on and just use the last two lines. Or maybe the last three lines

I do like this poem. Just giving you options.

Best,

Todd