02-13-2013, 09:38 AM
This is quite an abstract poem. The imagery is rather quaint, and the flow of it all is good. I do like it, and don't really have much to say. The only gripe I have is with the first 2 lines. The enjambment does help with the rhythm but doesn't really work well in my opinion. Something like this may work better:
These boxes
Of lime and mortar
Once were within
Larger boxes.
You can pull larger boxes onto the third line if you want to keep the structure. Of course, that's just my personal opinion. Overall it's a nice poem. =) Hope I'm of help, and hope to see more from you!
These boxes
Of lime and mortar
Once were within
Larger boxes.
You can pull larger boxes onto the third line if you want to keep the structure. Of course, that's just my personal opinion. Overall it's a nice poem. =) Hope I'm of help, and hope to see more from you!
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