Warming Hearts - Edit

[seriouslyme]

Thanks for reading, Billy, and for taking the time to add your comments. I am taking them into consideration and have re-written this poem. Will add the edit later today. Hope to hear your views on those changes.

Heather

Hi heather, great to see you posting poetry, great to see you giving feedback ><

todd metioned images, brandon cliche. so i won't. i'll ment baggage, packing etc, the tiny words that add nothing, i've highlighted some for you to think about and there are a few more, some poetry works better with them some work less well, as the writer you have to decide how they work in your poem. you have the core of a good poem here, it just needs an edit

thanks for the read.

The morning light creeps through
the tiny slits between each blind.
Its subtle voice, nudging me awake
speaking softly in my ear,
"life continues today, embrace it."
The routine, the preparation,
The bouncing through the house
remembering it all but wondering
what have I forgotten.
Out the window snow has taken over,
the whiteness blinding
as the sun touches its surface.
Without yet feeling the pervasive frost,
I imagine the bitter cold ripping through me.
I swing open the door
and charge into the piercing chill
but in the background of the frost, watch out for word repetition, try and use a simile, unless it's intended or a refrain.
a thaw hides,
waiting to blanket its warmth,
melting hearts.

-Heather

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Edit of Warming Hearts

The morning light creeps through
tiny slits between each blind.
Its gentle radiance on my face
Nudges me awake.
Readying myself for the day
bouncing lightly between rooms,
then a scroll through my mind
for something maybe forgotten.
The snow, a vast blanket
of blinding whiteness
from the sun's touch.
The cold, not yet reaching my bones,
but I brace for the shiver and shock
That'll rip through me.
Opening the door, approaching
the arctic chill, like tiny blades
Puncturing my warmth, and dissipating it
as air escapes a pin-pricked balloon.
Nearby though, beyond the frost
A thaw lingers, waiting to blanket
the crystalline icy sheath,
melting the hardened shell,
softening the earth under foot,
brightening the pervasive gray,
warming hearts.