12 - 4am

[heslopian]

12am-4am
It's the last train.
An empty vessel
Steaming through
The frozen world. I like the semantic field ("empty", "steaming", "frozen"). "Empty vessel" could be seen as having another, metaphorical meaning, as in the phrase "empty vessels make the most noise". I like that hidden subtlety.

I can't move.
Icy breath
My sole life sign. I'm really picking here, but there's life signs besides "icy breath", like vision and feeling cold. Unless you're saying that icy breath is the only life sign a passerby would perceive, but even then standing up would be another.

Watched it pass; Should this be a colon? You're indicating, I think, that this half of the sentence leads into the next, rather than that they're separate clauses.
The last bustle
Of the night.
The final sound
Still echoes.

Apathetic,
Or a little
Depressed.

Reality
An impasse.
To move on,
I Let the moon "let"
Swallow me.

A nicely atmospheric and haunting poem. The faults noted above are really very picky. I'd have liked a bit more ebb and flow - the poem's made out of staccato sentences, almost like a telegram - but it's still effective at conveying a deep, if temporary, loneliness. The last two lines remind me of one from Sylvia Plath: "The moon is no door." Thank you for the read