02-11-2013, 04:45 PM
A continuation of the notes offered previously.
Sin had not been defined.
The world was without census. Number has yet to be defined.…and so to the close of part one of the creative process. Nicely done. Nice touch the use of census here to denote the work of the number (Darkness / evil) – re the circumstances surrounding the birth of Jesus.
Or in the beginning was the null set. Clever, reuse of text – the null hypothesis. The process by which a statement is capable of being proven false. The number (evil) makes a takeover bid to claim creation.
Creation an equation “God saw everything he had made, and it was very good.”…but the number didn’t agree and questioned the answer. (Theology here is that all that we understand and encompass as past present and future is included in the “everything he has made”…because God is above and beyond / outside of time / the beginning and the end….so the prefect equation encompasses the fall of man and the plan for man to re-enter Eden). My question is – is this thought process a commonly enough known / accepted idea to be able to reasonably expect your reader to be able to get between the lines of understanding. If this poem is a presentation of an argument or division, the conclusion of which we are about to see extrapolated to a final statement of proven / demonstrated logical outworking (in favour of the word), then there needs to be an understanding of the arguments in the reader, which accordingly need to accessible to the common pool. (I think, [JMHO] and not necessarily targeted at this line, more a general comment…but have failed to explain very well!)
solved in 518,400 seconds = 6 days. In six days the world and all that we know was created.
consisting of 332 perfect variables. ? too clever for me! I’m thinking it must be a reference to either the mathematics involved in the standard unit of time as being a second as opposed to the more relaxed expression of a day. The only other thing I came up with is that it is connected with the number of essential elements in the universe from which life is built or equally the human gene sequence = (43 genes -containing 332 internal coding exons).
Post pm:- I can totally get this line after the explanation and it is kind of neat, but perhaps not accessible to most readers so just become obscure. I personally really like the flow and feel of the line, and (now I see it) it is a clever use of image, but not sure it actually delivers enough info to communicate what you intended. Even if your reader can be bothered to do a Google search nothing pops up that is that readily available. (If going to keep might need a clue at the bottom of the poem. Wait and see if anyone else gets it…might just be I’m slow on this one)
There was one then two, OK, so back to the beginning of Eden to re-examine the “perfect” equation from the perspective of the number. I think this whole stanza works really well. It is simple and yet follows and manages to be a concise and theologically accurate potted version of the fall account in Genesis into 5 lines. Kudos.
addition became multiplication,
until the day of the first subtraction;
when an asset was marked
as a liability in the Holy Ledger.
Sin was a tally beyond counting (period here missing). Nicely understated. Haha!...take that number and perfectly equate it...I knew there was a reason I hate maths and I'm number dyslexic.
The number can neither love
nor hate the word. Beautifully worded summation of the theology of a fallen angel – created being, created to worship, created without freewill yet found wanting. Incapable of disobedience towards the word, now directs hatred towards the objects of the words love (because of jealousy).
The word cannot abide the number.
They are parallel lines,
of orthodoxy and heresy
stretching beyond the call
of the final trumpet. Again a well worded stanza with tight reasoning with a great conclusion and clever use of text (the beginning, to end, the Bible and the mission of God (him without beginning and end) presented in a poem
World without end. This is yet another really thought provoking line that makes the reader re-examine what has just been said. It removes any idea of this being a tit for tat schism that will only continue until for the time it takes….no this will go on without end. This (along with the preceding lines sets out the whole Heaven and Hell, blessings and curses option up for consideration as a logical outworking of the premise of the argument / schism). Subtly presented brave words. Q.E.D.
What can I say to conclude? My first initial reaction was about right. This is a well conceived and crafted poem. With the exception of a few very minor (and then only in my opinion) glitches, the text has maintained the integrity of the arguments presented in accord with mainstream thoughts on the subject and has done so (apart from that one line perhaps) in an accessible way.
Good write Todd. Great read.
I really enjoyed this one. (for once I was able to make semi intelligent comments on a given subject...I had to make the most of it while it was on offer!)
Thanks for the read AJ
Sin had not been defined.
The world was without census. Number has yet to be defined.…and so to the close of part one of the creative process. Nicely done. Nice touch the use of census here to denote the work of the number (Darkness / evil) – re the circumstances surrounding the birth of Jesus.
Or in the beginning was the null set. Clever, reuse of text – the null hypothesis. The process by which a statement is capable of being proven false. The number (evil) makes a takeover bid to claim creation.
Creation an equation “God saw everything he had made, and it was very good.”…but the number didn’t agree and questioned the answer. (Theology here is that all that we understand and encompass as past present and future is included in the “everything he has made”…because God is above and beyond / outside of time / the beginning and the end….so the prefect equation encompasses the fall of man and the plan for man to re-enter Eden). My question is – is this thought process a commonly enough known / accepted idea to be able to reasonably expect your reader to be able to get between the lines of understanding. If this poem is a presentation of an argument or division, the conclusion of which we are about to see extrapolated to a final statement of proven / demonstrated logical outworking (in favour of the word), then there needs to be an understanding of the arguments in the reader, which accordingly need to accessible to the common pool. (I think, [JMHO] and not necessarily targeted at this line, more a general comment…but have failed to explain very well!)
solved in 518,400 seconds = 6 days. In six days the world and all that we know was created.
consisting of 332 perfect variables. ? too clever for me! I’m thinking it must be a reference to either the mathematics involved in the standard unit of time as being a second as opposed to the more relaxed expression of a day. The only other thing I came up with is that it is connected with the number of essential elements in the universe from which life is built or equally the human gene sequence = (43 genes -containing 332 internal coding exons).
Post pm:- I can totally get this line after the explanation and it is kind of neat, but perhaps not accessible to most readers so just become obscure. I personally really like the flow and feel of the line, and (now I see it) it is a clever use of image, but not sure it actually delivers enough info to communicate what you intended. Even if your reader can be bothered to do a Google search nothing pops up that is that readily available. (If going to keep might need a clue at the bottom of the poem. Wait and see if anyone else gets it…might just be I’m slow on this one)
There was one then two, OK, so back to the beginning of Eden to re-examine the “perfect” equation from the perspective of the number. I think this whole stanza works really well. It is simple and yet follows and manages to be a concise and theologically accurate potted version of the fall account in Genesis into 5 lines. Kudos.
addition became multiplication,
until the day of the first subtraction;
when an asset was marked
as a liability in the Holy Ledger.
Sin was a tally beyond counting (period here missing). Nicely understated. Haha!...take that number and perfectly equate it...I knew there was a reason I hate maths and I'm number dyslexic.
The number can neither love
nor hate the word. Beautifully worded summation of the theology of a fallen angel – created being, created to worship, created without freewill yet found wanting. Incapable of disobedience towards the word, now directs hatred towards the objects of the words love (because of jealousy).
The word cannot abide the number.
They are parallel lines,
of orthodoxy and heresy
stretching beyond the call
of the final trumpet. Again a well worded stanza with tight reasoning with a great conclusion and clever use of text (the beginning, to end, the Bible and the mission of God (him without beginning and end) presented in a poem
World without end. This is yet another really thought provoking line that makes the reader re-examine what has just been said. It removes any idea of this being a tit for tat schism that will only continue until for the time it takes….no this will go on without end. This (along with the preceding lines sets out the whole Heaven and Hell, blessings and curses option up for consideration as a logical outworking of the premise of the argument / schism). Subtly presented brave words. Q.E.D.
What can I say to conclude? My first initial reaction was about right. This is a well conceived and crafted poem. With the exception of a few very minor (and then only in my opinion) glitches, the text has maintained the integrity of the arguments presented in accord with mainstream thoughts on the subject and has done so (apart from that one line perhaps) in an accessible way.
Good write Todd. Great read.
I really enjoyed this one. (for once I was able to make semi intelligent comments on a given subject...I had to make the most of it while it was on offer!)
Thanks for the read AJ