After Ever After (revision)

[Todd]

Hi Billy,

Thanks for the feedback. I don't write like this often so that makes your comments even more valuable to me.

the links not working but i see what you did. it reads very well and the refrains were easy and non intrusive. great effort

A child's tale is often sad. is there half a foot missing here, or are you seeing childs as chi-ilds--I was reading child's as 2 syllables. In retrospect that's a mistake. I'll have to come up with an alternative.
Imagination won't transform.
A wardrobe may change king to lad,
but old inside they must conform. this line is the only nit for me, i'm just not sure how to read it. --I think I may need to rework this. Here's what I was going for and the line probably isn't sufficient for it. I was thinking of Narnia and how awful it would have been to be a queen or king for at least a decade and then be made a child again. Having to go back to school, obeying parents, having to hide what you were. The Pantoum doesn't give a lot of space for that. I'll give it some thought.

Imagination won't transform.
A frosted cake can't make them grow,
but old inside they must conform.
The looking glass cannot bestow.

A frosted cake can't make them grow,
nor shattered shoe upon the stair.
The looking glass cannot bestow
a ballroom dance without a snare. i really like this stanza, this last line particularly, snare feels good on more than one level. --happy to hear that

A wardrobe may change king to lad.
A child's tale is often sad.






(Title change Pantoum Sonnet from the chess thread with Brandon. Here's the form: http://bensonofjohn.co.uk/poetry/formsse...m%20Sonnet )

Thanks again billy.

Best,

Todd