02-08-2013, 12:13 AM
(02-07-2013, 09:10 PM)Stalker Wrote: The anchor lost, the boat's keel brokeIt is gramatically uncertain.
upon the granite, splintered oak.You have chosen to leave this and I don't blsame you....but if you want strict crit you should have a stop after "broke" OR change "splintered" to splintering...Oh....I said that before. Sorry. It must be true!
why? I simply cannot understand what you think is wrong with ' splintered'
1)The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite( granite becomes an adjective, describing how the oak was splintered, so ,"-" ) splintered oak. (but I don't like granite-splintered oak)
2) The anchor lost, the the boats keel broke. Upon the granite (was) splintered oak.
3) The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite, (so) splintering (the )oak.
but NOT :
4)The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite, splintered oak.

I think. It is subtle. Not really that important but it is serious crit.
Best,
tectak
(02-07-2013, 09:19 PM)serge gurkski Wrote: well, now that this mariner's song has been babbled successfoolishly to death, why not on to something serious once more instead!Turds, par example?
sigh

