To Kathy

[billy]

great job so far on the edit

I hope this isn't too bad a love poem. =/ I seem to have problems with anything relating to positive emotions. So hopefully this is a decent attempt! >< Thanks for reading my poem!

1st Edit:
To Kathy
Dusk sings a ballad,
And streetlamps highlight no need for and
Your quivering lips quivering feels a little off
Searching for words, who is searching for words?
Your glinting eyes
Brimming with expectance. expectantcy?
The moon hums the blues
Of your defences coming down. would as work better than of?

Our embrace
Is a dance screaming for avowal.
Once more, I borrow the night air, is once more needed?
And cast the spell a instead of the
With more affirmation.
“I’ll stay.” is this line needed?

Then the town dims,
And I hear
The stars applauding.


Original:
To Kathy
Dusk got coloured
Into ballad.
Streetlamps highlight
Eyes sparkling
With stopped tears.
Quiet hums of the moon
Signal the fortress’ crumbling.

The embrace follows,
A dance screaming for avowal.
So once more, I borrow the night air,
And cast the spell
With more affirmation.
“I’ll stay.”

Then the town dimmed,
And I hear
The stars applauding.