02-07-2013, 06:04 AM
The first line is excellent. It starts in the middle of something -- we're expected to fill in the back story for ourselves, because now we're at the really important part. Love "found safety in separate phone numbers", that's a great subversion of cliche. The writing conceit is well formed, although it's odd that it doesn't come into the first stanza at all. Just a hint would tie it in a little better.
Otherwise, there's little not to like for me -- it's gentle, regretful and terribly sad.
Otherwise, there's little not to like for me -- it's gentle, regretful and terribly sad.
It could be worse