Do you fear me?

[Todd]

Feast upon the shine of my blade!
For I see the fear upon your lonesome eyes.
Besieged and imprisoned with the weakness you hide.
But I shall not be fooled!
I laugh at you, instead.
Therefore, you're a critter.
A weak, plain, critter.
So you shall die this very second;
For my eyes can bare no more.
Hideous as you may be,
Thou, will die bold.

Hi DaedricPrince,

I don't really see anything here that can be used to make an effective poem. Its trying too hard to be poetic which makes it sound forced and odd. I don't often say this, but starting from scratch may be the best idea. This is just a miss.

Best,

Todd