the morning after (was: Manha de carnaval)

[heslopian]

Revision 1:

I lay down these notes now
for everyone to read.



I grew up with my head hidden
under bushes close to the road. An effective, original metaphor.
You can tell, I was scared.

It did not get better later.
Same shame and same panic. Good use of language to evoke mood in this line.
I was good at making me trouble. Is "me" meant to be here? It's grammatically incorrect, but I felt like maybe it was purposefully so.
For nothing but for being.

If you’re unwanted
by your mom, You feel guilt. "you"
I am sorry that I am. Simple but moving line. Almost like a twisted version of Descartes' "I think, therefore I am".
Life always scares me

I worked my way around people.
Stayed at home,
masturbating my dreams I like the duality of this line. On the one hand it works as a reference to the stereotype of the wanking male shut-in, while on the other it means mental masturbation.
of luck to come.

It did eventually
but I was too old then
to grasp it really.

Festival da alegria;
I work my way up
to dance on Brazilian beaches.

I am free now
but its late. "it's"; when abbreviating something which isn't a noun, always use an apostrophe.

Michel Tournier’s Canada
is my brazil (dreamland).
I feel at home best alone. Would this line work better as "I feel at home when I'm alone", or something of that sort? Maybe that'll change your meaning, but as it is the line feels incorrectly structured.
I care not about clichés.

I am here. I live

still

Most beautiful woman (or: human, not sure) Really sudden transition from narrator to an object of affection here.
I ever saw passing by.

Will she love me?
She did and I lost her again.

These days I mainly cover up time, I like the phrase "cover up time".
sometimes sadly assuming she must be alive.
But these are daydreams.

I read books to her, soft-voiced,
she fell asleep then.

I kissed her tenderly
and now she is gone
and I went to her graveyard
once only.

The pain's still too big
to be fixed.

I can't. I like the truncated nature of this line. It feels like it should be "I can't fix it", but taking away the last two words makes it seem like the narrator's struggling to stay composed and finish his thoughts.

Nothing I can say here which hasn't been said already, except that overall I enjoyed this poem; it was sweet and poignant. All critique is JMHO, thank you for the read.