"Then the town dimmed" is past tense, the rest of the poem is present -- so that needs fixing 
"The embrace follows,
A dance screaming for avowal" -- this might work better as one line: our embrace is a dance screaming for avowal (or two if you break after embrace, but either way I think you need to get rid of the comma)
Casting a spell might be a bit out of place also. Is there something that might fit in with the music motif a bit better?
But all in all, this is better than the terse verse and definitely heading in the right direction.
PS. Love poems are easy enough when you're not actually in love... when the feelings are really there, they're a bugger to put down without sounding cheesy.
"The embrace follows,
A dance screaming for avowal" -- this might work better as one line: our embrace is a dance screaming for avowal (or two if you break after embrace, but either way I think you need to get rid of the comma)
Casting a spell might be a bit out of place also. Is there something that might fit in with the music motif a bit better?
But all in all, this is better than the terse verse and definitely heading in the right direction.
PS. Love poems are easy enough when you're not actually in love... when the feelings are really there, they're a bugger to put down without sounding cheesy.
It could be worse