a few ands or its or theys etc. at the moment the top half has no feeling, no life. idf you read a love poem to a woman, would you read those words. while we often say tighten the poem up, this needs the opposite, let relax a little
Dusk coloured
Into a ballad of Street lamps
highlights for Trembling eyes,
and quivering lips.
the moon hums the blues
your defences come down.
i'm sure this isn't what you want but it's an example of how you can play around with what you have.
Dusk coloured
Into a ballad of Street lamps
highlights for Trembling eyes,
and quivering lips.
the moon hums the blues
your defences come down.
i'm sure this isn't what you want but it's an example of how you can play around with what you have.