To Kathy

[tectak]

Thanks Billy! Greatly appreciated! Is this edit better? =x

Dusk got coloured
Into ballad.
Streetlamps highlight
Trembling eyes,
Quivering lips.
Quiet hums of nature
Sounding defences coming down.

I'm with billy on the original so will comment on the edit. You now have terse-verse. It needs to be dense to say a lot in a little. Problem. In short verse there is little between the beginning and the end in terms of time..so any shifts in tense become obvious. .Nothing wrong with this provided that you connect the narrative sympathetically. This reads a little list-like because of the omitted linkages. You have opted for this deliberately and so criticism may sting but it does seem a pity to plonk good images on the paper without connecting them together. I say this because you changed the humming moon to hums of nature without any arguement when billy commented on the meaning. That tells me that the meaning had no value....it was just a word list after all.
I don't say this often but this needs more good, poetic padding.
Best,
te tak