Your Migrant Mother

[Todd]

Hi Stalker (Lucy),

Here are some impressions and comments for you.

I'm not sure I'm interpreting properly but I took the poem as the speaker speaking to their child. Sort of a "let me tell you about your Migrant Mother, William" sort of thing.

I wear the veil of past Bedouin women.--This is a nice opening line. It gives the sense of nomadic wandering. This woman is one that moves from place to place. It works with the migrant in the title, and accomplishes a lot of characterization in a single line

Tuesday pitched in Shenzhen spring.--I like the phrasing. I'm not sure why Tuesday. Or why this line is sitting by itself. The other stand alone lines seem to be characterizations. Tuesday makes me think of Tuesday's child full of grace. Maybe this is a reflection back to birth. We are at the very least focusing on a different locale and starting the seasons. Spring/birth possible I guess

The trees decked out
with birds and lanterns ---Like these lines. Is this the well-wishing festival? Given that its Hong Kong. Are you purposely saying here is the new year or the beginning? Just where my mind is going. I like the personification and the quick pacing of the lines
sing song glow.--absolutely love this. This feels like something a child might say, or a parent might say to a child. The images feel like their suited again for here's the story of my life from when you entered the picture
Sunday had been--again my interpretations are probably seriously flawed but I took this to be my time before you came was grey and cold. I also like the line break on this line
grey skies
filled with snow,
my head in a silver fox--I took this to be one of those older style fur coats (who knows if they've already come back into style
against Moscow’s howling winter.--Now we've moved again. Though since we're moving backward from Tuesday. It is likely flashback

My child, sobbing--"I've disappointed you
in South African Summer,
brings me a Highveld hail storm.--This seems like a juxtaposed contrast of what you'd expect. Though not knowing the region my read might be off. It makes me mostly take the image as one of conflict.
Ice bounces high into the ether
lands in skype--The internet program is the only way I know to take this. I'm not sure if using it dates the poem too much. It does clearly show separation.
to become my own hot tears.[b]--nice line


I walk with the swollen feet of a nomad.--I sort of like these lines. I don't want to be picky but I'm not sure nomad holds its own with Bedouin earlier. I think because its a bit generic. I'd rather see you use an actual people group.

The seeds of alien ideas--something more evocative than alien perhaps. I love the image just want a more specific word.
dropped from my bag
flourish.

I peel mango with the teeth of an african,--you've already used african. Do you want to reuse it? Someplace in South America perhaps. I do love the specificity here.

and see the juice
coat your chin, William.--great transition to the personal. While they could be in the same location in this moment. It is equally possible that she is seeing her actions, her genetics, her life reflected in him. Its like the biblical proverb The fathers eat sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge.

I observe with the eyes of a childless mother.
You wipe with the hand of a motherless child.--at first I wasn't sure I liked this construction I observe with the eyes/you wipe with the hand. After a few reads, though I liked the distance it gave. I think these are powerful lines. This entire last sequence really provides it with emotional punch.

I enjoyed the poem. I'm not sure my comments are that helpful, but I hope they were.

Best,

Todd