The Skylark

[Bizzy]

i had to read it a few times, leave and come back to read it a few more.
at first it felt overburdened with lttle let up as for a breath but then it sort of clicked into place and i was able to get through smoothly. without the intro, how would we know why your heart was hammering etc. i loved the poem but think you could have led us into the skylark better. remove the intro and pretend it's not your poem. a line or two would improve the beginning no end.

I think the introduction over-stated the nostalgia theme - but accept that placing it in a particular setting would improve it - so here's my first edit.

The Skylark

Feet pounding on the track where sun-baked ridges wait
Fit to trip the unwary runner.
At the top I stop, flung, full-length on the mossy bank
Gasping like a landed fish.
Sweat pricks my skin, heart hammers;
Lungs labour; ribs ache; temples throb.
The sun is a languid, warm caress; bright on closed lids.
The blood’s roar abates, sound and sense return.
A gentle susurrus on the leaves; birdsong fills the sky.
No lips form the trickling tones,
Some unearthly process births the piercing notes
That swoop and soar above my head.
An unassuming bird; brown and dowdy,
Hiding his other-worldly song within.