Dream Fillfullment

[brandontoh]

Uncertain jerks, -- From my experience, a drunk guy won't describe people as 'uncertain'. There's sober vocabulary and then there's drunk vocabulary.
prepare to prove
I am not drunk,
but merely tired;
yet wired
to this chair am I
and cannot move. -- The stanza nicely sets the mood and the scene for the whole poem. Personally though, I'd change the 'but merely tired' line to 'I am not drunk!', but that's totally just me.

Please lift, you lids! -- A mild-mannered drunk! They do exist after all!
Cast off the lead
that weighs you down,
and pulls you shut. -- The imagery here feels a little too forced. It works, but the wording is not consistent with the rest of the poem. It's supposed to be from the perspective of a drunk, and these 3 lines don't give me that feeling.
Here, but
for the pulsing lights,
I could be dead. -- Good lines. I really like it. It puts me back into the poem and salvages the problem the previous lines cause.

A bladder full
of deep regret
is moving me.
I see, I think,
a sink,
tempting me to flow.
I’m feeling wet. -- This stanza is my favourite. The way the lines are structured gives off a panicky feel, and the imagery comes alive here for me. The only thing I'd change is the last line. I would personally remove 'feeling', but that's just me nit-picking.

Oh hell, oh damn!
Now I’m awake! -- I feel that this line is not needed.
They’ll see me here!
They’ll see me squirm!
I turn
away from leering eyes.
I’ve pissed a lake. -- A nice jolt back into sobriety.

Perhaps I may
have found an out! -- For a person who just wet himself, he's surprisingly calm and collected. I feel that a more informal tone will immerse the readers better. For example, 'Yes, yes, there's a way out!' may allow readers tor elate better to the character's situation.
My glass of beer,
still in my grip,
let slip,
then swear and leap as ale
splashes about.-- The stanza finishes off nicely, but the imagery is kind of weak. I think the problem here is with the word choices. They're too... neutral and doesn't elicit much emotions, specifically of nervousness which I feel is apt here.

“Oh dear, old boy,
you’ve spilt the lot;
soon mop it up.”
“ Think beer’s bad,
Uh’ve had
a fleeling that the smell
was off, a jot” -- Then again, this stanza brings the scene to life once again. No complaints here.

Uncertain jerks,
where have you gone?
I walk again.
Head for the door,
the floor
is swimming as I go,
with flies undone. -- Great finish. Overall, a very enjoyable read. I just feel that some lines do jerk me out of the imagery, and I think that some rewording will complete the magic. =) Hope I'm of help!

Tectak
2013