02-04-2013, 07:07 PM
I like this poem, does the rhyme scheme have a formal name? It's interesting and your consistency is admirable. Also the content is amusing.
My only area of concern is the first half of S2 which doesn't provide me with a strong enough image:
"Please lift, you lids!
Cast off the lead
that weighs you down,
and pulls you shut."
I don't know what's going on here but it doesn't stop me enjoying the poem.
I also feel the whole thing may be a stanza too long,the Q. I asked myself was, is the joke contained in the piece, justified by the amount of reading I have to do to get it?
Apologies - I'm struggling for critique time, so this review is v.rushed
My only area of concern is the first half of S2 which doesn't provide me with a strong enough image:
"Please lift, you lids!
Cast off the lead
that weighs you down,
and pulls you shut."
I don't know what's going on here but it doesn't stop me enjoying the poem.
I also feel the whole thing may be a stanza too long,the Q. I asked myself was, is the joke contained in the piece, justified by the amount of reading I have to do to get it?
Apologies - I'm struggling for critique time, so this review is v.rushed