02-04-2013, 01:49 PM
Hi Anna,
These long line lengths are fine, but I think the poem goes on for too long and loses impact. I think if you tried to ruthlessly cut half the lines focusing on what you considered the strongest observations the poem would be helped by it. You've got some good writing here, but it tends to ramble.
Just my thoughts,
Todd
These long line lengths are fine, but I think the poem goes on for too long and loses impact. I think if you tried to ruthlessly cut half the lines focusing on what you considered the strongest observations the poem would be helped by it. You've got some good writing here, but it tends to ramble.
Just my thoughts,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson