Of Silent Gazes, Of Algid Love

[billy]

the last stanza is great, the 1st stanza has me strugglin on the 1st line. which afftects the rest of the poem, and thats about all i have, if you can make me see what the first line is saying with an edit i know the poem will come alive for me.

Hello! This is a poem I done during my game with Todd. I've edited it, and well, now here it is. =) All criticisms are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading my poem! =P

By the way, here's the link to the form:
http://bensonofjohn.co.uk/poetry/formsse...a%20Cinque

Sonnetina Cinque - Of Silent Gazes, Of Algid Love

Soldered on stale couch, stare on old fire.
Worries overflow, a sigh escapes.
Imposing statue of damaged presence;
The flicker pensive, ran out of passion.
For what is a man to do, to build a man?

This fighter is beat, by time, by life.
Losing is a habit, and so is irony.
A single dad protects, but doesn't guide.
Loser raises loser, so it's best to let go.
A love so awkward, the loved doesn't know.