A heart throbs anthem
#2
(02-02-2013, 05:26 AM)Kelseymclemore Wrote:  Don't waste your time on me.
Ill never give as much as I've received "I'll"
It's just who I am, and ill never change "I'll"

My lack of compassion, some may say,
or my relentless ability to push people away. I like the phrase "relentless ability", especially in this context.
I'm not trying to play with you ,
you just ran to my arms.
How can I ignore someone who's no harm? Interesting idea.

Let me remind you I didn't press start
you came to me, you lit the spark.
Ill agree, there was flames, "I'll". Also I think "was" should be "were".
but they weren't from my heart Great line. Crude and angry in a slightly subtle way.

To me, this was a game, and I thought you felt the same.
Let my walk away now, "me"
without any shame,
cause it's not my fault you feel this way
The poem furrows very old ground, as most love poems do, but though there's not a lot of character and action you enliven the subject with some interesting lines. Thank you for the readSmile
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Reply


Messages In This Thread
A heart throbs anthem - by Kelseymclemore - 02-02-2013, 05:26 AM
RE: A heart throbs anthem - by heslopian - 02-02-2013, 05:02 PM
RE: A heart throbs anthem - by brandontoh - 02-03-2013, 01:46 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!