02-01-2013, 07:30 AM
Hi There - I really like the mood and tone of this, the way you weave the setting with what's going on with the couple is very intense. Love the phrase 'the gone now stay' a whole paragraph of meaning in 4 words - Wow. Confused by the 'powdered skin' not entirely sure what you meant by that,
An excellent read - thank you for sharing.
Dolls pinned to trees
surround a patch of shallow graves,
a clearing in which the gone now stay.
Their button eyes and thread smiles
hide a well of invisible power,
keeping away those rebel spirits
who tamper with the dead.
I hold your hand and we,
two city effetes in powdered skin,
stand at the threshold of something primal.
I raise your hand and kiss your mouth,
lightly pushing you against a tree.
All is darkness when the torch falls from my grip,
shutting off on impact. A cotton face sits beside yours.
An excellent read - thank you for sharing.
Dolls pinned to trees
surround a patch of shallow graves,
a clearing in which the gone now stay.
Their button eyes and thread smiles
hide a well of invisible power,
keeping away those rebel spirits
who tamper with the dead.
I hold your hand and we,
two city effetes in powdered skin,
stand at the threshold of something primal.
I raise your hand and kiss your mouth,
lightly pushing you against a tree.
All is darkness when the torch falls from my grip,
shutting off on impact. A cotton face sits beside yours.