02-01-2013, 06:41 AM
ok... so this is for serious critique... (i read this poem a while ago and was hesitant... but having read the rules carefully I think, as it states, I am able to give some honest and productive feedback)
I personally wouldn't change a thing (hyphens notwithstanding). It really would be in my list of favorite poems i have read recently.
there are two technical issues, with the 'break an neck' and ' broke heart'... but for my money, these are no issues at all; as, one can forsake style for technicality and in so doing forsake pulse for cardiac arrest. and this poem has life coming out of it's ears. Really enjoyed it.
I personally wouldn't change a thing (hyphens notwithstanding). It really would be in my list of favorite poems i have read recently.
there are two technical issues, with the 'break an neck' and ' broke heart'... but for my money, these are no issues at all; as, one can forsake style for technicality and in so doing forsake pulse for cardiac arrest. and this poem has life coming out of it's ears. Really enjoyed it.