01-30-2013, 11:38 AM
in places you have to much grammar, there's also a fair few clichés in there.
it feels a bit like Schroedinger's cat is the subject matter and not life or love etc.
there's a lot going on but i'm struggling to see any substance. that said, the writing isn't that bad, ideally you could add depth to it and make it a more enjoyable poem.
it feels a bit like Schroedinger's cat is the subject matter and not life or love etc.
there's a lot going on but i'm struggling to see any substance. that said, the writing isn't that bad, ideally you could add depth to it and make it a more enjoyable poem.