01-30-2013, 08:38 AM
I don't think the last line is needed. It brings in an element of consequence which breaks the amusing mood of indifference you've established. It's a funny, charming poem. I used to write poems like this a lot. I still do when I can't think of any "big" theme or just feel especially nihilistic for some reason. Thank you for the read
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe