01-30-2013, 02:10 AM
Basically you're making a series of important statements ending in rhymes. The problem is that it's so easily done, and so obvious that it doesn't give off any energy. It has no kick, no intensity. It leaves no lasting effect, and little effect while reading it.
On the other hand, it kind of emulates the voice of the people constantly weakening into a feeble, monotone near flatline.
But it doesn't really make that very obvious. It seems more like a rap than a poem. And behind that, you need personality and execution. But I can't hear you read it, so it doesn't work well, as I can see it.
On the other hand, it kind of emulates the voice of the people constantly weakening into a feeble, monotone near flatline.
But it doesn't really make that very obvious. It seems more like a rap than a poem. And behind that, you need personality and execution. But I can't hear you read it, so it doesn't work well, as I can see it.