The Age of Gods

[tectak]

Hello Hidrolic, I hadn't seen this in Serious. Let me give it a go:

From the age of Gods--This feels a little clipped for an opening line. Given your line length throughout maybe consider pulling up line two to line one. The other issue is that it adds nothing that your title hasn't already given us--so it feels like filler. Maybe, play off the title more.
Kings, prophets and demonic lords--Now, I'm getting a Conan feel. I think this gets a little less legendary when you add kings to the list. I mean we still have kings today. We also have modern day self styled prophets. I do like demonic lords
Men looked to the skies and prayed to the stars--This comes across as a flat statement. It also feels to simplistic. You're going for a sort of animism. Prayed to the stars is doubtful. They may have dreamed of celestial kingdoms as you allude to later, but praying to the stars? In any event, this needs more visual, sensory impact--its too flat.
They pointed specifically to the home of their creator--specifically seems unneeded
It was a physical place unlike the lines of the equator--lines of the equator just seems to be here to make the rhyme work. It also feels out of place with the comparison
Monuments were built on earth to commemorate their return in times later--This would work better with more showing rather than just passing on a fact to us
In times of antiquity space wasn't just a place with lights
It ushered in the start of the human race and the birth of life--These lines again just feel like a transfer of information and a bit pedantic in tone
They knew nothing of the worth of Christ--how did Christ slip in here. Are we addressing the perspective of Christian missionaries? The connection for me felt a bit unclear
Those fables didn't exist nor did the prophets who they searched to write--again lecturing, pedantic, makes assumptions. Tells rather than shows. "who they searched to write" is awkward.
The tales of the bible--whether one believes the ancient texts of any religion. Even if they are fables there might be some basis for why they were written. There was probably a Moses. There most certainly was a Jesus. The debate is always did they do or say what is recorded. There's a big difference though between fables and they got the story wrong. It feels like sloppy expression.
They created the phrases to give praise to the idol--this could be interesting if developed more fully in the poem.
Trying to define cradle to the grave and a spiritual revival--feels like this could be smoothed out to make the line read better. Cradle to the grave as you have it is a bit of a cliche. You can probably come up with a better substitute.

I hope some of that was helpful. You have a topic that could be interesting. I mostly just wanted to have a more sensory interaction with it.

Best,

Todd

Hi todd,
A little off message, perhaps. Regarding the truths attributed to the man Jesus; I have just read a disturbing revelation. Apparrently Homer's Odyssey was not written by Homer, but by another chap of the same name.