01-29-2013, 06:02 PM
My initial response was: too dark. Then I read it again and my reaction was: mildly erotic. Overall, I like it.
S4, I liked, and didn't like. Something about "spastic blade" seems odd, but it seems to fit as well.. Just an uncommon combination, but hey, perhaps that's its charm. To me, the word "chicken" conjures up the thought of eating, where as "flesh" would perhaps conjure up the image of bodily destruction. Hmm, not sure which is preferable.. As well, the period should be inside the quotation mark, which was probably just a typo on your part.
In particular, the last line: "sits" could perhaps be changed to something more emotionally evocative?
S4, I liked, and didn't like. Something about "spastic blade" seems odd, but it seems to fit as well.. Just an uncommon combination, but hey, perhaps that's its charm. To me, the word "chicken" conjures up the thought of eating, where as "flesh" would perhaps conjure up the image of bodily destruction. Hmm, not sure which is preferable.. As well, the period should be inside the quotation mark, which was probably just a typo on your part.
In particular, the last line: "sits" could perhaps be changed to something more emotionally evocative?