Poem- any comments welcome!

[brandontoh]

The Shadow of Us



Are you going to die? my son asks,
happily. I push open the heavy door
between the darkness of the theatre
and the soft sunlight outside.
Yes, I say, someday,
when my beard is long and and white
like Gandalf! and I scoop him up
and scratch my grizzly chin against his neck.
I want to hear him laugh-
to keep at bay,
for just a little longer,
the knowledge of death in him,
to keep him free
from the tangled branches
of our blackened family tree,
to hide from him the hollow place
where the echo of suicide whispers.
I can only hope
when it's his time to ripen and fall,
he will be borne
on some sweet gust of luck
and land softly, in sunlight,
far from the shadow of us

Structure I think is the most prominent problem here. You need to divide your poem into different stanzas so that it flows better and is easier on the eyes, especially since there's dialogue. You provide good imageries and the title is gripping. So do work on the structure first, and we'll see what comes after.