01-29-2013, 03:03 PM
Each line, when removed from its context, is reasonably well-written and sometimes powerful. The image of men pointing towards the stars was especially good. The rhyme, however, was corny and reduces what feels like a thoughtful piece to something sloppier. I'd recommend either re-structuring it as free verse or establishing a meter. Thank you for the read.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe