01-29-2013, 11:21 AM
Hi Jack, you've created a pretty darn spooky mood here 
The final stanza in particular is excellent. To be honest, I think S4 overdoes it a bit and personally, I'd get rid of it entirely to take full advantage of the surreal juxtaposition of innocence and danger.
A good read though!
The final stanza in particular is excellent. To be honest, I think S4 overdoes it a bit and personally, I'd get rid of it entirely to take full advantage of the surreal juxtaposition of innocence and danger.A good read though!
It could be worse