Vulnerable

[billy]

Hi midnight
though it may seem that way at times, we never tear to shreds ><

the poem.
it seems that you're emulating poems of a bygone era, and that's fine when done well (and it takes a good skill set to do it well) you have lots of baggage in all the non relevant small words you use.

Cast out romantic expectations as fish to sea.
I attend to practice with no affair,
at times I indulged my passions in her bonnie

in general cut away all the small words you don't need, often; words like now and but etc, if you want to rhyme, make the rhymes as perfect as you can

Here is my first poem to post, so please do tear me to shreds


Cast out all romantic expectations as fish to sea. the simile doesn't work written this way.
Now I attend to practice with no affair,
For at times I indulged my passions in her bonnie, it could be bonniness or with another word after bonnie as in bonnie ways

Now I glaze when she comes there,
But when it's her eye I see,
Tis much to bear,
And away I ride upon love's chariot. i like this line, it has swagger

With what little will I muster,
I pinch it shut to dull her luster,
From these accounts I contrive:
A growing hate for her eyes,

A blank stare only spared,
Glimpsing light upon her hair,
Never to see,
No, I shall not see,
From wilt, this thorn;
This agony,

Calls me forth upon its peak,
Upon the lips but never to speak,
Her image burns, these
The mind still churns,three
From sweet to tart, lines are really well done, they're concise and image rich, the set up an emotion or feeling of what's being said. this is how you want all your poem to be like
The heart doth part.