01-28-2013, 01:33 PM
I got dressed the other day ... I was running around looking for a different sweater to wear so that I wasn't wearing the same clothing as my last meet up/class.
I got frustrated, as I have for many years of my life in the mornings. This anxiety quickened, it took over my mind and body and I started throwing my clothes around worrying about how I would come across if I didn't show up in a different outfit. Then I stopped. Took a breath. Remembered that I hadn't had any greens yet. Grabbed my favorite sweater that I wore to the class before and said out loud,
"You can not control me, judging eyes!"
Crazy? maybe, but I felt empowered, like I had overcome a demon inside of me that is always working to make me feel insecure. Who really cares if I look the same 2 classes in a row - if people really care they need to get their priorities straight because there are more important things in this world to worry about and it took me a long time to see this. I would make up scenarios in my head of the potential thoughts people would have in their minds with every article of clothing I picked up and this took over my life for years - worrying primarily about a future point of social existence. Those kinds of things don't matter. They do in my mind somewhat sometimes but it isn't a productive way of being and I have to remind myself of that. I get so lost in these trains of thought sometimes but now I can find my way out. When I eat greens I feel like my body and mind are running on a completely different system. Like I am a different person, someone with lighter baggage and the nutrients and level of hydration to open my mind and see through all of the thought-rubbish that can take over my life. My solution to these mentally toxic moments is in asking 2 simple questions : "have I had my greens yet?" "have I taken a deep breath?"
If I am feeling insecure chances are the answer is no.
Anyway, your poem made my think of this. The war inside - sifting through socially ingrained thought-rubbish to get to the good stuff. I really enjoyed it! thank you
I got frustrated, as I have for many years of my life in the mornings. This anxiety quickened, it took over my mind and body and I started throwing my clothes around worrying about how I would come across if I didn't show up in a different outfit. Then I stopped. Took a breath. Remembered that I hadn't had any greens yet. Grabbed my favorite sweater that I wore to the class before and said out loud,
"You can not control me, judging eyes!"
Crazy? maybe, but I felt empowered, like I had overcome a demon inside of me that is always working to make me feel insecure. Who really cares if I look the same 2 classes in a row - if people really care they need to get their priorities straight because there are more important things in this world to worry about and it took me a long time to see this. I would make up scenarios in my head of the potential thoughts people would have in their minds with every article of clothing I picked up and this took over my life for years - worrying primarily about a future point of social existence. Those kinds of things don't matter. They do in my mind somewhat sometimes but it isn't a productive way of being and I have to remind myself of that. I get so lost in these trains of thought sometimes but now I can find my way out. When I eat greens I feel like my body and mind are running on a completely different system. Like I am a different person, someone with lighter baggage and the nutrients and level of hydration to open my mind and see through all of the thought-rubbish that can take over my life. My solution to these mentally toxic moments is in asking 2 simple questions : "have I had my greens yet?" "have I taken a deep breath?"
If I am feeling insecure chances are the answer is no.
Anyway, your poem made my think of this. The war inside - sifting through socially ingrained thought-rubbish to get to the good stuff. I really enjoyed it! thank you
"What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning" - Werner Karl Heisenber