Man Made Monster

[billy]

hi kieth.
the 1st line doesn't work that well for me, i know what you're aiming for but it feels run of the mill where the the next three lines really capture what the titles informing us about. try hitting that 1st line from a different angle, the roaches tell us what kind of place it is, it has a feel of an asylum about it, a suggest would be along the lines of (if you want to use cornered) cornered by walls that stare, or the walls have eyes.
the rest of the poem has some good images but could they be less strict, the taste of iron in blood. it would need edits but i think there's a decent poem in there i can't believe i'm saying this but flesh it out just a little
thanks for the read, good to see you with a poem ...sorry i got here late

1st Edit
Cornered by this damp stale room,
Cockroaches know my game,
flickering elevator to hell,
whispers that we’re all insane. solid three lines

Manic strokes on calloused legs,
buckled tight, mind can’t breathe,
concrete wall will render sleep does concrete wall renders sleep work better
tongue tastes iron when I bleed

Through teeth bled by guarded hands bled /bleed/blood to close?
inflicted pain with sticks concealed,
spittle runs to blood tiled floors,
the monsters makers are revealed. monster's

Piss myself to gain your stage,
wild eyes have brought their fight,
the arms I bite bare my name,
moths have stained my naked light.