01-27-2013, 05:49 PM
Hey, I hope you don't mind I had a go at your poem.. not sure if that is an acceptable thing to do. But here it is, hope you like it
(are the backslashes representing more of a rap when read?)
Let us converse about how we as humans are cursed,
Locked up in caskets and carried around like a purse.
Tell me what is worse, that our future could end any time -
Or that you are likely to be eradicated by your own kind?
Time is not kind, there is no rewind,
Our future is our past, our past in our mind.
We haven't learned from countless wars,
Our little girls still useless whores,
as panties drop on strangers floors,
no idea what they are saying.
Our little boys on crack and heroin,
supposed to be warriors not mindless barbarians,
mumbling-lost-humanitarians,
no idea what they are saying.
_______________________
I'm a noob. my writing is a bit forced but I thought I'd have a go and maybe you can take something from it
"and the curse is arrogance and not understanding our worth/"
arrogance, indifference, ignorance.. I like this, though I do not believe in curses.
"If you believe there is no other way, there is no other way to find,
If you believe humanity is cursed, it is only in your mind."
http://blog.unstash.com/where-the-magic-happens/
I am interested in more of your thoughts and your work. Good work! keep writing
(are the backslashes representing more of a rap when read?)
Let us converse about how we as humans are cursed,
Locked up in caskets and carried around like a purse.
Tell me what is worse, that our future could end any time -
Or that you are likely to be eradicated by your own kind?
Time is not kind, there is no rewind,
Our future is our past, our past in our mind.
We haven't learned from countless wars,
Our little girls still useless whores,
as panties drop on strangers floors,
no idea what they are saying.
Our little boys on crack and heroin,
supposed to be warriors not mindless barbarians,
mumbling-lost-humanitarians,
no idea what they are saying.
_______________________
I'm a noob. my writing is a bit forced but I thought I'd have a go and maybe you can take something from it
"and the curse is arrogance and not understanding our worth/"
arrogance, indifference, ignorance.. I like this, though I do not believe in curses.
"If you believe there is no other way, there is no other way to find,
If you believe humanity is cursed, it is only in your mind."
http://blog.unstash.com/where-the-magic-happens/
I am interested in more of your thoughts and your work. Good work! keep writing
"What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning" - Werner Karl Heisenber